thank you for unsubscribing

Have you ever given your email to a website in exchange for something?

Like a discount or freebie?

And then they send you emails for awhile and you might read one or you might not

But mostly you delete them

And you subscribe to more emails for more freebies

And you spend a lot of your precious time deleting emails that are useless to you

And one day you get tired of deleting

And you take a moment to scroll down to the bottom of the emails and click the unsubscribe buttons

And it’s such a great feeling

I do this all the time

I make a decision based on my thoughts about the emails or the company or my priorities

And I try to declutter my inbox

It’s not worth my time to be subscribed to something I do not love or that does not bring any joy or value to my life

On this website, which you are reading now, you can subscribe

You get new comics in your inbox every Wednesday and a new Kid Quote every Tuesday

The comics are real life stories that other moms have shared with me and whatever I might blurb about

It is absolutely no cost to subscribers

Unless you decide the emails do not bring you value or joy or they are not a priority then they are costing and wasting your time

Then you have the option to unsubscribe

Which is a wonderful option

My email list grows weekly by one or two new subscribers

And a few people who have subscribed to Chattersticks have also unsubscribed

And I think it is very important for people to make this decision

And I wish I could thank the ones who took the time to unsubscribe

Having an email service added to the website costs money and the cost goes up with the amount of subscribers

It is better for me to have a small band of committed and hopelessly devoted fans than a huge list of lukewarm not invested subscribers

And it is better for you to not have an unwanted email in your inbox every week

I love sharing the stories because I feel a connection with each person who shares a story, many whom I have never seen or met in person

And the readers who love them get the same feeling of connection and joy in the things kids say and do and in knowing that other moms and kids are just like us

Hearing the funny and sweet and crazy things kids say helps me to lighten up about motherhood too and to look for the joy in the everyday

It’s nothing major, just everyday moments with kids and in the life of a mom

Yet it feels so awesome to connect this way

And when people send me pictures of their kids with the magnets I send for free to each story submitter and tell me how they love their stories and ask their mom to read them again and again, I always think ‘oh yeah that is why I do this’

It is to spread joy and love

That’s not always so easy to remember

When I have a stack of 25 stories to draw and I feel pressure to get them all drawn and not keep anyone waiting and get those magnets made and in the mail, and I think ‘I don’t know if I can keep up!’

Then I am reminded by your emails you send and pictures and words and reactions to the stories and I feel the joy reciprocated and I realize I have nothing to ‘keep up with’

I get to go at a pace that works for me as a mother of nine and that pressure is only from my own thoughts

The story sharers have never been anything but appreciative

That’s so awesome

how is it only Tuesday

There are a few things that are different with kids being home during the day instead of at school

It hasn’t been difficult

We are lucky we do not have to try to find child care like many other parents

We are lucky to have acreage and we can get outside

I noticed there are a lot more boo-boos during the day with al the kids here

More tears and tantrums

More shoes at every entrance all day

More noise

More dirty dishes, we are running the dishwasher twice a day now

And going through way more food

I am used to buying ten dozen eggs a week

Plus getting four eggs a day from our hens

So we bought ten dozen last Thursday night

We ate the last of them today

That’s two dozen eggs a day

Not counting the ones from our hens

We are going to start clucking

But we are so thankful eggs are cheap

And essential, so they are not shut down

And nutritious for the bellys

So kids can grow strong

And with all the kids home, there are so many questions

I actually heard myself say today:

‘I’M NOT ANSWERING ANY MORE QUESTIONS’

Other than that its been a great week

Don’t tell me it’s only Tuesday, I don’t need to hear that

And they are taking hand washing seriously, not because I have told them 15 times a day their entire lives, but because Google will sing them the hand washing song if they ask

It’s really a good song

My six year old came to me in the kitchen today and said':

‘Mom my hands are LITERALLY clean!’

And proudly held them up to show me

They were shriveled up as prunes, practically translucent and he quite possibly about washed the nails completely off

Thanks Google for teaching our kids in 20 seconds what we have been trying to hammer into their heads for years

staying home

How was your Sunday staying home?

It was different.

The kids didn’t really know what to do with themselves

Well actually I didn’t either

‘Normally’ we would be prepared to leave the house early for Sunday school, plan to invite company to come visit, maybe work in a nap in the afternoon

Some of the kids were excited to have church at home

Which I thought was terribly sweet

And some felt a little silly about it

Which I also thought was terribly sweet

The six year old couldn’t understand why he had to get church pants on if we weren’t going anywhere

"‘It’s still Sunday, you need to put on your Sunday best’

“These ARE my BEST pants!’

‘No, we mean your pants that LOOK the best’

‘You don’t get to wear those just because you LIKE them best- they are very dirty!’

A sibling tried to help us out:

‘Garrett those have a hole in the knee!’

‘Nuh uh, that’s a scratch’

He eventually came to the table dressed in his button up and some clean hole-free jeans, not his church pants, but we compromised

Church started a little later at our house than it does on a regular Sunday

But everyone was there

They all acted very age appropriate

The teenage boys had to be reminded to remove hats

The six year old wanted to pick all the songs to sing, but he did end up letting the girls pick too

The girls drew on paper throughout the morning prayer and Laestadius

Just like in church

The bigger kids whispered if they needed to talk to me or each other

Just like in church

And the younger boys moved around alot and talked too loud

Just like in church

They each got a baggy of candy to eat while we discussed what was read

They left wrappers askew and had to be reminded to pick up

Just like in church

I was surprised at the thoughts of the older kids when we asked questions

And learned a little from them

It was nice

But we missed our dear friends and family we would normally see

And the Word of God we are so used to hearing

And taking a little for granted

Five more weeks feels like a very long time

We know it’s a day at a time

And we’ll be taken care of

But still

End of week one

Today wraps up our first week with school closures for covid-19

Our attempts at ‘school’ without assignments from the teachers mostly went by the wayside in lieu of beautiful weather and the promise of plenty of rain next week

There were a few times kids practiced on ixl or did Everyday Math App for practicing math facts

It felt like there was so much more time

I wasn’t spending any time waking kids and packing lunches and helping with homework so the hours seemed endless

And we had two bored teenage boys

They cleaned gutters, mowed lawn, pruned apple trees, planted blueberry trees, readied the garden for planting and probably some things I’m forgetting, plus went to work with Shane some

The kids played basketball, tetherball, rode bikes and scooters, had root beer floats and s’mores

Played with the new baby bunnies and chicks

Ran through the sprinkler

And slept in til ten

It has been summer break at the end of winter

It has felt so needed

I hope I can feel the same way next week when we get down to completing assignments and learning new things

I hope I can enjoy ‘teaching’ the kids

It’s nice they have taken all the pressure off and cancelled state testing

I am counting on it being fairly easy

I only have to work with one at a time

Although I know I can count on it being crazy at times

And I know I may need to get more ‘me’ time than usual

I am so excited to see what next week has to bring and teach me

It’s amazing how we are actually so prepared for this sort of thing, as a world population

It’s not difficult to isolate ourselves

We still have everything we need and we can still connect with people in an instant

Not being able to go to church is the hardest part to accept

But maybe having ‘church’ at home with our kids is just what we need too

if you build a boy a fort

If you help a boy build a fort in the woods

it won’t take too long to gather dead limbs from the ground

He will want to use the hatchet and hand saw to cut the limbs for the walls

Even though he is only five

You’ll have to decide for yourself whether you let him or not

If you let him

It’ll take a full day just to cut enough limbs to build the walls two feet high

It won’t have much square footage

But he will move a table in anyway

You will have to explain why he cannot have a woodstove or fire

AND Just when you think you it’s a good enough fort for a five year old boy

He will ask you to put a roof on it

And add a mailbox

And put down some gravel for his driveway

So the mail lady can get through

And install a flag pole so he can fly his star-spangled-banner

And once he has a fort, you will know where to find any missing item

Bowls, silverware, tools, nails and screws, lunch boxes, coats, shoes, sleeping bags, hedge trimmers and shovels, LOTS of missing shovels

But at least we know where to find them

kids questions

Maybe I should change the name to ‘Daily Dose’

The idea of Homeschool has been my dream for a long time.

I have considered it next to impossible though.

It has always seemed like a far away dream and I have never really thought about the details of how I would do it.

AND here we are with this great opportunity for a trial run.

How can I teach my kids, grades 1 through 10, something over this six week period of no public school?

And while processing what is happening in our world?

So far we are winging it

Yesterday was watercolor flower painting

Today I signed up for a month of ixl.com

Two of the kids have taken advantage of it so far today and done an hour of Math, it was hard for them to not wander onto other sites at first so they needed lots of redirection

As I would expect

I ordered some learning games on Amazon

And some printer ink so we can print pages

And I told them they have to come up with five questions today about something they want to learn about.

Anything to keep their minds growing.

The first question was ‘How old is Donald Trump’

When I said I wanted better questions, one of them said ‘My Sunday school teacher said there is no such thing as a wrong question!’

Well ok, but I expect better questions than that

They better questions they came up with so far are:

Why does the anchor have the shape it has?

How many lines on the centimeter side of a ruler?

Who invented the tetherball?

Simple questions that we all learned from, I can’t wait to hear more.

Other than that we are just enjoying the time off.

Waking kids up and getting them out the door and on the bus has always been rather difficult for me, so I have been basking in the silence of the mornings while they sleep until 9 or 10.

On my walk this morning I noticed something.

Usually as we get to the end of the driveway and closer to the road, I call the dogs to me (they are not on leashes)

The road is always very busy.

Today it was not.

I stood at the mailbox for a full five minutes and never heard or saw one car.

But you know what I did hear?

Birds singing and chirping.

It was lovely.

And the air smelled like Spring.

And the kids are safe and sound at home.

I have no worries.

Even though my brain wants to freak out a little…

I don’t want to ‘borrow trouble’ as my mom would say

We are so lucky to have so many ways to communicate and connect

We are so lucky we have a government and military in place that takes care of us

And health care workers going above and beyond

Our teachers are lucky to get this bonus time with their families.

There are endless options for learning and educating and growing

And from my little corner of the world I want to give you something of value

Encouragement maybe, a laugh maybe, a smile maybe, connection maybe

Ideas maybe

What do you have that you can share with us?

You have words, stories, and ideas too…

And I am so lucky that I can continue my hobby of writing and creating comic strips of the stories you share

They connect us all a little bit

And bring joy

I want to continue to share and spread that joy

No matter what through this time

so it begins

We made it through Day 2 of the six week covid-19 school cancellation and social distancing.

But not without getting out in the evening with a friend.

We had big plans for today…I had told the kids it was going to be a school work day and had the day all scheduled on paper.

I was heavy in the middle of fixing breakfast and talking about what we were going to do next when my phone dinged that the fifteen year old had an orthodontist appointment in 30 minutes.

He was still sound asleep.

And the window cleaner that I had scheduled weeks ago- before the world went all topsy turvy- showed up at that moment also.

I had pretty much forgotten about him.

It was a bit frantic.

I was prepared to give homework to my kids, not at all prepared for a stranger to come through the house.

We went ahead of him, moving things out of the way of the windows, cleaning off sills, kicking kids out of bed, hiding our messes, etc

And then we kind of didn’t know what to do with ourselves.

It felt weird to carry on when there was a stranger hovering here and there in the house.

We did our best.

I think I was first to get stir crazy.

He got there before 9 am and still wasn’t done by one o’clock.

And that was a long time for us all to be on our best behavior

So I made everyone load up into the van to go for ice cream.

We worked out some differences in the 15 minute ride to town.

They ate their ice cream in the van while I got a few snacks and drinks, thinking we’d go to the park.

Then I got a reply text that a friend had some baby bunnies for us…yay!

We’d been waiting for this.

So we stopped at home, waited briefly for the window washer to be done and paid him and headed to get bunnies.

And then back home to get bunnies settled in the hut.

And I was pretty much done with driving so we skipped the park.

When they got bored I played a tutorial of how to paint watercolor flowers and they all gathered around with paint supplies and made piles of fridge decor.

It was a day well spent even if it didn’t go how I planned.

The windows are insanely clean.

The van is insanely filthy.

And I hope I am not forgetting anything important about tomorrow.

thoughts on pandemic

Just what everyone needs are more thoughts on COVID-19.

To begin with I was pretty much indifferent to this infectious disease being passed around in a far away country.

My life has carried on without any disruption, aside from a few internet memes that made me laugh, at myself and others.

I was able to keep my plans and flew to visit family in Minnesota.

My flight was full, I only saw one person with a mask.

I thought it was strange that UMD was closed down when they had no reported cases of the virus in the state.

I was careful not to smooch on my sisters baby, that was my biggest challenge of this ordeal so far.

I got a little worried I wouldn’t be able to fly home, when they started shutting things down.

As soon as the kids walked in the door on Friday my oldest girl called in a rush to tell me school has been closed for six weeks.

I was amazed. And instantly wondered if our spring break travels will have to be cancelled.

She was frantic about not being able to see her friends every day.

‘What am I going to do?!?' It’s going to be so BORING!’

Just another reason kids are the greatest.

I had plenty of time on my shuttle ride and flight home to think about the next six weeks.

And this morning I outlined a schedule and a tentative plan.

What if this is a practice run for something bigger?

What can I learn from being in this situation?

How long will these last two rolls of toilet paper last?

Not long with 11 of us in the house.

But I did receive my monthly order of napkins from Amazon.

And we have plenty of old t-shirts we could cut up.

And what if this is the greatest opportunity ever?

What if I love having the kids home and teaching them myself?

What if the waitress who has no job right now because restaurants are closed, discovers a way to make money online and support herself even better?

What if all we need to know is what our mothers taught us?

‘Wash your hands’

‘Keep your hands to yourself’

‘Don’t pick your nose’

‘Cough in your corner’

‘Eat your greens’

‘Take your vitamins’

‘Drink water’

‘Go to bed’

I think about our grandmothers and great-grandmothers.

No hand sanitizer, no clorox wipes, just a sturdy bar of lye soap.

And I know everything will be just fine.

Everything IS just fine.

I am sorry for anyone who has lost a loved one to the virus.

But then I am sorry for anyone who has lost a loved one for any reason.

It is sad to think of anyone not being able to visit an elderly loved one.

And we can be so thankful we know what we can do to keep them safe and thankful for telephones and paper and pen and all the ways we can show love.

I hope we can all keep our wits through this.

And I would really love to interview someone who thought it was a good idea to hoard toilet paper.

I am so curious about that.

And

Spring is right around the corner.

‘

the best kind of saturday

Today was one of those amazing days.

It started with rising early and having coffee with Shane at the dining room table.

Which wasn’t very relaxing because there were two pairs of canine eyes staring me down from the front porch.

Begging to go for a walk. Without making a sound.

Just pleading with big brown eyes.

So I obliged, you would too if you could see how excited the word ‘walk’ makes them.

As soon as I moved from the table, they raced excitedly to the back door.

This is a daily occurrence and they know I will soon appear in walking shoes and my dog walking coat.

I open the door and they wait expectantly, sitting so politely, afraid to assume we are going walking.

I pause and say ‘Who…wants…to …go…for…a…walk?’

And at the word ‘walk’ the younger one starts yipping and jumping in the air and twirling around, practically doing back flips.

And the one I call ‘Old Man’ rises excitedly and puts his paws on my shoulders. (Hence the dog walking coat.)

And we are off.

I wish I could get that same reaction out of the kids on a school morning.

From our walk until time for lunch, I refused to go inside.

I picked up the yard, cleaned out the sandbox, gathered and lined up the bikes and trikes and scooters, trimmed (aka hacked) the Rosemary bush. (Maybe has needed done for a few years).

Then I helped Shane put the finishing touches on our remodel of the chicken run, and cleaned up all the scrap wood and tools.

After lunch I posted the leftover wire from the chicken run for sale and a guy from our area came to pick it up.

And he got stuck in a swampy part of the property when he tried to back up to the coop to load it.

And there I was as helpless as a man when his wife is in labor while he spun and struggled and ruts formed.

Finally we decided the best option would be to pull it out backwards with the tractor.

Shane’s tractor.

Did I mention that he was gone to town at this point?

So he hooked it up, I forgot to mention he had a large trailer attached to the back of his truck.

And I was supposed to put his truck in reverse and push a little on the gas and steer while he pulled from the back of the trailer with the tractor.

I could not see or hear him over the rumble of his diesel so it was a bit of a guessing game.

And on the first attempt I turned the wheel the wrong way.

So he paused and undid the near jack knife and we tried again.

The second time we were just successful enough that he could get it the rest of the way without me.

Much to my relief.

As soon as he was on his way I went to pulling weeds and shoveling and spreading bark chips in an area I meant to do long ago.

And the two younger boys came to help.

That’s always an experience.

Two small boys with shovels bigger than them.

I only got one faceful of dirt, and hit in the rear with the shovel once and only had to holler once that we don’t throw shovels towards our brother.

And no matter how many times I explained that we were shoveling bark chips and pulling weeds, they would go back to digging holes.

They spent more time creating more work for me than actually helping, but they needed the fresh air and something physical to do so I put up with it for a while.

I wasn’t disappointed when they started complaining about being too cold.

I finally went in at dark, very tired and very pleased.

I am looking forward to being pleasantly sore from my hard work and sleeping very well.

To top off the best kind of Saturday, Amazon dropped off some packages.

Some were boring household items. (Which are actually a bit exciting when you’re the housekeeper, grocery supplier, and inventory stocker lady)

And one contained a Rand McNally 2020 Road Atlas.

So it kinda felt like my birthday.

And now I am dreaming of spring break and summer.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

there I was talking to myself

My twelve year old girl stood in the laundry room doorway last night talking to me while I stood amongst the mountains of laundry, folding towels and flinging kids’ clothes, and mating husband socks (he is the only member of our house who gets the luxury of mated socks) and tried to remember to have patience with her.

I was on the verge of being fired because I hadn’t remembered too pick up something for her, and I should drop everything and take her to the store for it immediately!

Regardless that I was in my robe and it was 9:30 pm and by that late I am on auto pilot and practically sleepwalking…

‘But mom! The store is still open!’

‘I won’t have anything to eat for lunch tomorrow!’

Nevermind that I got groceries that day, including the same regular lunch food they’ve been eating all year and plenty for everyone.

She had ordered a cute little aqua blue Thermos on Amazon and wanted something hot to put in it.

Not just anything hot, I was full of suggestions for what was already in the pantry.

‘You can take some roasted red bell pepper tomato soup and a baggy of oyster crackers!’

‘Moooommmmm…’ Groans, juts out one hip, puts a hand on it and rolls her eyes at me.

‘I told you I wanted chicken flavor Top Ramen!’

( Amazon and Top Ramen are not my favorite right now)

‘And I forgot! You have to write it down for me!’

Anyway. As I stood my ground with her and listened to her frustration, I just couldn’t help but let my mind wander and feel a sense of nostalgia.

Because in my girl I saw myself.

That was me. In my mom’s laundry room door, the stance, the demands, the eye roll.

Too cool for tomato soup.

Total naivete to a mom’s lot.

She finished with ‘When I’m a mom if my kids need to go to the store, I will take them!’

And I’m pretty sure she took those words right outta my childhood.

All I could say was, ‘Ok sweetheart.’

And I can hardly wait for her to be standing in her laundry room while her very own Miss Royal Majesty Blond Pony Tail Girl repeats the process of a girl growing up.

It’s a beautiful thing.

just life

Evenings after school are packed. Even when there is nothing ‘going on’

We are not in organized sports or piano lessons or other extra-curricular activities.

We just have snack, play, dinner, homework and bed.

Not always in that order.

But it’s always very busy.

Yesterday after the kids were all home I was filling out paperwork for the first grader.

I guess his teacher thinks he qualifies for the ‘HIghly capable’ class.

The questions were actually a little hysterical to me, and my answers felt equally so.

Things about his imagination and does he interrupt to share his ideas and get upset if he is told to put his things away before he is ready etc etc.

All things I thought were normal for all kids.

And this particular kid is the family comedian.

So whatever, I obliged and filled it out.

As I did, the sixth grade girl was showing me an Old Navy add and saying we should get an Old Navy

credit card so we could get this special discount etc etc.

So I was trying to explain about interest and I asked our ninth grade math whiz:

‘What is 18% of 200’?

He replied in an instant ‘Thirty-four’

And I said ‘Thirty four dollars?’

And he replies ‘Thirty-four’

And I say ‘Dollars?’

I am just asking in shorthand if I have the decimal in the right place.

And he says ‘What’s taco plus two? Banana!’

Gently reminding me that I didn’t mention the dollars when I asked the question, therefor his answer is 34 and he is not budging, Mr. Technicality himself.

I got the belly laughs over this and I didn’t want to to forget what he said so I made him repeat it and flipped over my paper and wrote it down.

And my sixth grader sweetly reminded me that I was writing on the back of official paperwork.

OOOPS

Then she pointed out that I had gotten his birth year wrong and my own cell phone number.

So there I was in the Elementary office this morning with my twice folded wrinkly document asking the ever professional and stoic office lady if I can get a new one.

To make matters worse she politely asked if she could shred the old one for me.

I quickly folded it and explained I had taken notes on the back of it, and still needed it.

Which left me feeling like the little third grade girl I once was whose cheeks would have turned cherry red when caught passing a note in class.

And I can’t wait to ask Mr Technical Smarty Pants Math Whiz again what 18% of 200 is, because it is not 34…dollars or otherwise.

Mothers' Wisdom

I have learned so many things being a mom for 16 years. Most of my best hacks for motherhood have come from other moms.

We get to take each other’s tips and tricks and use them for ourselves. We get to leave the ones that are not beneficial to us.

It can be seemingly small but it can be a huge help.

For instance, safety pinning the hand towel to the oven door if you have a toddling one year old.

Or how about taking the silverware holder out of the bottom of the dishwasher if you are going to unload or load with the toddler around, because knives.

From one mom I learned that we don’t have to dress our toddlers.

She was watching me wrestle and fight my toddler into clothes and shoes she said ‘Why do you dress him?’ Seemed like a silly question.

But then I thought about it, and I was tired of the battle, and I stopped making him wear clothes, and he ran around in his diaper and he was so happy and so brown and the mail lady called him ‘Tarzan’.

He has since graduated to swim trunks.

My own mom taught me to write love notes to my kids. Some of the kids save them in their special boxes, just like I did.

Another mom taught me to accept help. And why would I think I didn’t need help?

Another mom demonstrated how to help others. She came into my home when I was under a pile of babies and toddlers laundry and dishes and she unloaded the dishwasher and brought me a glass of ice water as I was feeding the newborn, and changed over the laundry and folded a load and ran a vacuum through the living room and emptied out the kitchen sink and changed the toddler’s stink, and began reading books to the lot, all before I was done with baby.

Another mom opened my mind to the idea that doing dishes is enjoyable, and therapeutic, and meditative.

Another mom taught me how to ‘Let go and let God’ when a baby was sick in the NICU and I couldn’t go in, couldn’t hold him, couldn’t feed him, couldn’t help him at all. And it’s amazing for how much we DO for our kids, there is so much more we can’t do. And that’s ok. I know this because another mom shared this wisdom with me.

Another mom taught me to not ‘clean up’ when someone is coming at short notice to visit or have coffee. Just wing that door open with a smile and a hello and allow them to see how lived in our home is. They didn’t come to judge or be impressed. They came because they love me and wanted to see me.

I have learned many of the ‘best ways’ to swaddle a baby.

There was a mom who taught me that babies like to be rocked at different paces.

A mom who showed me a never-fail way to work a burp out of a newborn.

A mom showed me how to make a really good cup of coffee.

Another mom taught me how to put my own needs first.

And yet another taught me how to make sacrifices for others.

One mom helped me realize I get to do what works for me.

A mom taught me the value of good nutrition.

And a mom taught me the value in making homemade donuts with the kids.

I’ve learned some shortcuts from other moms.

Like dress kids for the next day before you put them to bed.

Skip the flat sheet.

Remove the screens before they get ruined.

Get some sunshine.

Use sunblock if you’re going to be in the sun ALL day.

AND

One Jolly Rancher can get a whole basket of laundry folded by a kid.

No nagging involved.

If I can pass one stitch of wisdom on to any other mom it is simply to learn from other moms.

Steal it. Use it. Pass it on.

just another school morning

Today was just another school day in the life of a mother of nine.

There was some moaning and grumbling about getting up.

Not a ton of interaction.

The first girl up was in a tired meltdown because she had no shirt to wear.

’That’s why dad asked you last night if you had everything ready for today.’

’He didn’t ask ME!’ (They’ll get ya on a technicality very time, he asked ALL the kids in the living room at the same time, so right, he didn’t say HER NAME.)

’So you’re telling me that as a middle schooler you were totally unaware until this very moment that you would need a shirt to go to school today?’

That’s when she pulls out the trump card; ‘You’re so MEAN!’

And I just have no argument for that one.

And five minutes later she’s dressed and standing in front of me as I’m scrubbing the bathroom toilet (these opportunities come at the strangest time) asking me to bring her to the bus stop.

So one kid got on the bus.

And one high schooler was waiting for his pants to dry.

And one girl was frying eggs and making toast.

One girl just waited patiently all ready to go.

And the oldest got up last, was ready in record time, and squeezed in time to play a game on his phone.

I dressed the 1st grader all the way to shoes before he even woke. (This takes away a big part of the battle when he starts saying ‘I don’t want to go to school’. )

I carried him downstairs talking the whole time:

’Are you hungry? I’ll get your backpack. What kind of sandwich do you want in your lunch.’

I guessed he’d be an easy one today because he was so sleepy. If I could just get him in the van before he got too aware then getting him out of the van at school would be the only struggle.

I didn’t get that lucky.

While I was helping other kids he sneaked off with his little brother and got very into a fun game and then while everyone else was waiting in the car, he insisted on cleaning up first.

The only time he has ever willingly cleaned up. And it wasn’t just a quick put the game away and let’s go.

I mean he had to round up that last dirty sock in the corner and put it in the hamper.

While I was getting him in, one girl had spilled egg yoke down her shirt front and now we had a new and improved meltdown from a different girl about not having a shirt to wear.

I left without that one.

One girl was very concerned with what kind of chips were in her lunch (store brand chips are so uncool) and what vehicle they were getting dropped off in.
The 15 passenger van is even more uncool than store brand chips.
First she begged to ride in the smaller more passable as cool, older Toyota Highlander.

I didn’t want to make 7 kids squish in there so I drove the biggie.

I had to drop her off on the side of the school, and then drive right past her to drop the others off up front.

That painful middle school pride.

So tempting to honk and wave at her.

I called and excused the whole lot for being late while I was still in the school parking lot and then me and the four year old headed home.

And rides with a four year old make life so grand.

’Mom did you know the thing that’s the most on the earth is grass?’

’If I had a lamb, I would pet it and be so nice to it.’

’Can you make me a wood sword?’

’We need three dogs.’

’I just want pop!’

And on and on and my mind wanders until I hear:

‘Mom if there’s a bad guy, you just cut his bane right here in his neck, this big one-SLICE.’

So ‘bad guys’ beware if you make it past the dog and the frazzled mom with the cast iron frying pan, there is still an attack four year old, with possibly some jujitsu and hand to throat combat training.

Or just older brothers and a big imagination.

And now to get that last resisting girl out the door and to school.

If you know any tricks about getting eight kids to the bus on time, lemme know.

week three of 2020

We finally got some snow this week and school was cancelled for a day.

It was awesome.

When the school called we put the phone on speaker and held our breath while we listened to the automated recording that announced a two hour late start.

And when they called a second time we did the same.

But this time they announced school closure.

Then the kids shrieked and ran to tell any who hadn’t been listening and it was game on.

They had blast.

Fighting over snow clothes and turns driving the four wheeler (until it got a flat tire)

Judging each other’s scoops of cocoa (until we ran out of milk).

Crying in frustration over snow pants turned inside out and stuck on boots.

Getting in and out of snow clothes every half hour.

Going in and out of the house every ten minutes.

And leaving the doors open.

They begged the sun to go away and not melt our precious and fragile couple inches of wet soggy snow.

And asked me every 15 minutes to check the weather app to see if we are going to get more snow.

They helped each other build snow forts and puzzles.

And worked together as a team to make macaroni for lunch. (with some minor disagreements and loud communication.)

’We used all the milk for cocoa, can we use coconut milk instead?’

At your own risk. I’d just add more butter.

About dinner time the hype began to wear off.

The snow clothes were all soaked through.

The coca was gone.

And reminders of school the next day started being thrown around.

Panic about homework set in about bedtime.

They hoped for the snow storm of the century and checked the weather app some more.

Maybe next year.

Thankfully.

We are all out of cups.

vacation from cups

Winter break was full of joy, church, relaxation, fun, socializing, late nights, some sickness, good food, and cups.

It was amazing.

We have a counter space reserved for beverages, the coffee pot and tea pot are there. We have one of those oversized mason jars with a lid and a spout, full (sometimes) of water. During break the kids had free access to cocoa and Russian tea.

And every time they got something to drink they would get a new cup.

Nine kids, a few servings of cocoa each, then some Russian tea just for fun, and then they’d be thirsty after all that sweet. And get a big glass and fill it nice and full and take a few gulps and leave it half full wherever was convenient for them.

There were cups EVERYWHERE, the whole vacation.

Every surface in the kitchen, the dining room table, the living room end tables, the kids’ rooms and even the porch railing. Oh and the bathroom counter.

And the kids did not reuse. They’d take the drink of water and leave the cup on the counter and come back and get a new cup next time they are thirsty. And when cups were gone I’d catch them putting their mouth under the water spout or kitchen sink faucet.

I can’t even do that complex of math, all I know is, we picked up cups nonstop. We would get the kids to clean up too, and the cups would go from the counter surfaces to the sink. And then I would do dishes and they would be in the dishwasher. And then someone would unload and they would be in their respective cupboards. And then they would be all over the counters.

Repeat. For two weeks.

I could have ran the dishwasher twice a day just with cups! It seemed.

And yet we were so busy coming and going that it took me until the end of break to actually realize what was going on with the cups.

It suddenly hit me like woah I have never experienced so many cups in my life, as I was having deja vu loading yet another dishwasher full of cups.

And it brought up memories of them all being little, I love comparing then and now.

Then I filled their cups, and I saved them for the next drink, and maybe even used the same cup for all the kids.

Did any of you other moms notice a cup phenomenon over break?

This week they are back in school. The cocoa and Russian tea are gone.

I am looking forward to a vacation from cups.

Wait...What?!...When?!

So our oldest (of nine) just turned 16 and is getting his license soon, and our youngest is about to turn five..

Wait…What?!…When?!

When did we go from six kids in car seats to six kids who need deodorant? (You may observe I didn’t say ‘wear’.)

When did you go from needing me to hold your hand across the parking lot and into the grocery store, to you heading down the road behind the wheel of a two thousand pound automobile at 50 miles an hour by yourself? (Shouldn’t I come with you?)

I just taught you to tie your shoes, how is it you are standing here trying in vain to explain Rubix cube algorithms to me? (I just pretend to get it, and I love that you want me to understand.)

How did we get from you wanting to be carried, to you heading off to work with your dad to pack bags of mortar and loads of bricks?

How are you in the kitchen making scrambled eggs and bacon for your dad? (The six year old) Get back in the high chair and I’ll play peek a boo and patty cake in between feeding you bites of applesauce and squash.

When did you stop saying ‘Dut da doe..daint do!’ and start reciting the 50 states song?

When did you start caring about clothes and shoes and the brands on them, you were just running around in a diaper with a year round tan line and getting comments and laughs from the mail lady.

How did we get from me protecting you from all things, to you telling me; "‘Mom I can’t even tell you the things they say in the back of the bus, it’s so bad.’ Thank you my darling daughter for thinking you must protect me from the wicked things of this earth. Gulp.

When did you stop singing ‘Skidamarinki dinki dink i love you...’ and start standing shoulder to shoulder with me in the kitchen?

How is it that you no longer need me to lift you up to the sink to wash your hands?

When did stop playing baby dolls and start babysitting real babies?

Wait…shouldn’t there be five little girls around here somewhere that need their hair combed and braided? What do you mean you did it all by yourself?

How are there not four little ones, give or take, coming into our room at night with all the various earaches, and nightmares and bedwets, or just to tell me they have to go potty. (cuz I need to know this at 4 am)

Where is that little newborn cry saying come feed me?

And that little voice gently hollering from the crib in the next room every morning ‘Mom…come get me!’

How did we go from one box of mac n cheese being sufficient for the whole family to a five box pack barely being enough?

When did you guys outgrow the kiddy pool? And start ditching me at the lake to go where I can’t even see you to swing off the rope swing and into deep waters?

Doesn’t anybody need a nap? Or a rockabye? Or a thumb? Or a blankie?

When did your feet begin to reach past your toddler quilt?

When did your clothes start to fall off the toddler hangers?

When did you start fitting into my shoes?

How did we get here? Where was I?

Sometimes I was on the couch with you all piled around and reading book after book for some peace and quiet, sometimes I was hiding with my coffee on the other side of the shed for some peace and quiet, sometimes I was at the kitchen stove with you all gathered around trying to help and making more spills than gravy, sometimes I was a mess of tears on the bedroom floor, not knowing how to be mom to so many little people.

My favorite times, I had ignored the laundry and dishes and vacuuming and dirty windows and muddy porch and taken you all to the park and pushed you in the swings higher and higher and you laughed and shrieked with glee, and I got goosebumps of happiness.

Can we do that again sometime?

We got from there to here one day at a time.

And we will get from here to there the same way.

Well… at least we still have one kid who cannot button his shirt straight. Get over here you precious tiny child and let me do that for you.

It's the most secretive time of the year

So this year we did a new thing and let the kids draw names out of a paper bag for Christmas. They each drew a name and then we took them shopping in pairs to pick out a gift with a limit of ten dollars.

It was such a cute idea at the time.

And in the back of my mind I was little worried about how it would go.

So far so good.

They have had so much fun finding stuff for each other.

With a couple of the shoppers it seemed to be a contest of ‘How small of a gift can you get and how much candy can you get with the remainder of the money.’

Four the four year old boy it was so painful to be in a store FILLED with all the things you could ever want and be told you are shopping for someone else.

So he switched from ‘I want this mom!’ to ‘Mom come here I have to show you something for Savanna..’ and brought me to a Paw Patrol riding toy.

I had to gently tell him his thirteen year old sister wouldn’t be able to ride it.

He never did find anything except what he would want for himself so one of the girls and I found some calligraphy markers and a new sketchbook while he drooled and dreamed.

He did really well picking out a gift for his preschool teacher, or rather he didn’t take his eyes away from all the treats in the Ross checkout lane long enough to object to what his big sister picked out.

After an hour in the store and we loaded up into the car and as he is buckling he says:

‘I want to pick out something or Savanna.’

We convinced him that he would have so much fun wrapping her present and let’s go eat.

And whew he was ok with that.

The fourteen year old boy went off on his own and came back with the ‘PERFECT’ gift for his big brother…and I couldn’t disagree. The kid had been constantly bugging us to get him this thing and here it was. And only a little over the limit.

‘I’ll pay the extra $3!’

That was fine.

There of course had to be the severely indecisive child who ended up with ten ten dollar items in the cart and had to decide on one and then got something completely different anyway.

She also wanted to buy something for everyone and their baby sister.

‘Sure sugar, as long as you’re buying’

‘Aww man…’

The oldest boy just picked up his phone and called home and asked his ‘name’ what she wanted. And she told him even where it was in the store.

Worked for me.

Then we get home with the gifts.

It is the loudest covert operation in history.

The kids waiting at home RUN out to meet the car.

The ones who we have bought gifts for are told explicitly and repeatedly and loudly ‘DON’T COME OUT HERE!’ ‘HIDE YOUR EYES!’

And there is a bunch of discussion at the trunk of the car about how to carry these gifts in while hiding them.

‘Here I can put this one in my shirt…you put these in your pockets…I’ll go get a paper bag…put your coat over that big one..wait what is it? OOOH He’s gonna LOVE that!

‘Are they looking?’

‘Ok you go first and make sure they are not looking and we will go straight to mom and dad’s room!’

We hear more ‘YOU can’t come in here! YOU can! Hurry shut the door!

‘Lock it!’

And some scuffling around.

There is so much excitement and they use way too much tape and wrapping paper.,

They poke their heads out and holler for more.

I don’t ever buy more tape or wrapping paper until we run out and we are using last year’s stash so when they holler I say sorry I’ll get some tomorrow.

But they are not to be deterred. They scrounge up painters tape and washi tape and piece together scraps of wrapping paper even if it doesn’t match and they WRAP those gifts.

After that comes the hinting and guessing and shaking and squishing of the gifts.

And we will see how much is still a secret by the time the gifts are opened.

Tis the season. With kids.

Wash Dry Fling

Laundry laundry laundry, and it’s never ending sequels…

We’ve learned some things as a family of eleven when it comes to laundry.

Number one being if you want to make sure it gets done, do it yourself.

There is a chance if you put it in the dirty laundry basket at ten PM on a school night that it will show up clean and dry and fresh in your clean laundry basket in time for you to wear to school the next day.

There is also a pretty good chance it won’t.

Also if you come into your mom’s room when she is half asleep at ten PM and whisper ‘Mom will you put my clothes in the dryer when you wake up?’, there is a chance she will and you’ll have your favorite jeans to wear the next day.

There is also a chance she could be up in the night with babies and toddlers or any age kid, and sleep right through her alarms. Or hit snooze. Or just completely forget.

I have learned that folding clothes is a waste of my time.

I’ve learned that if I fold the clothes neatly and precisely and teach the kids how to organize their drawers Marie Kondo style, they will think that is so neat for about thirty seconds.

And then they will rummage and scrounge and dig and crumple and toss those clothes on the floor, the chair, the bed, the lamp, and the desk, the very next time they are looking for something to wear.

Hence wash, dry, fling.

When the clothes come out of the dryer I fling them into piles and flop them into their respective baskets.

They sometimes even toss them right back in the dirt laundry basket without wearing them when it’s time to clean up their rooms.

I have learned that I can charge them for non dirty clothes in my laundry, and that rarely happens anymore.

‘Who put this shirt that I clearly remember tossing in your clean basket less than 24 hours ago, and have not seen on a body since, in the dirty laundry?’

‘You can pay me a dollar for wasting my time’ ‘Oh you have no money?’ ‘Perfect I am sure there is a toilet that needs scrubbed.’

And no matter how many loads I have done and how many shopping trips we take, there will always be someone standing in a towel saying ‘I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR!’

We have learned that a preteen girl who has ‘nothing to wear’ is not someone you can reason with, and arguing with one is just begging for tears and tantrums.

I have learned to hide some clothes just for these instances.

‘Oh lookie here a brand new pair of black leggings just sitting on this shelf waiting to be worn by a ten year old with nothing to wear!’

Or if a sister wants to wear another sister’s pants or shirt or dress I can use a new piece of clothing as a bargaining chip, ‘If you let her wear that dress, I’ll give you a brand new pair of leggings.’

Anything ‘brand new’ in a large family if highly coveted. Brand new doesn’t last that long and we are used to thrifting and hand me downs.

Even new socks. Or especially new socks. Especially when they start to care whether the socks match.

One thing I learned is not worth my time is mating socks. All girl socks get tossed in a basket, if you want sock mates, help yourself. We have found hoarded sock pairs in all kinds of random hiding spots in the house. If someone knows of a pair of matching socks, they will go to great lengths to get them.

‘I will give you TWO Dynamitas and half of my bite size Twix, AND you can sleep in my room tonight!’

I love it. Every bit of it.

I love seeing my 14 and 15 year old boys doing their own laundry, not because anyone is making them, or there is a schedule or task chart around it.

Just because they want clean clothes and they know how to go about getting them.

It also saves them from having to search for their clothes, because I usually guess when it comes to which pants or socks or undies go in which boy’s basket, and then I over hear them saying ‘I have your button up shirt, do you have my belt?’

What I also love is knowing that other moms are doing it the same way.

I had a conversation with a stranger while I was getting groceries once.

He commented on my ten pound bag of chicken breasts vs his two pound bag and said something about how I must have a few boys.

I told him yes a few boys and a few girls for a total of nine kids.

‘I was one of nine boys.’ He told me.

And asked ‘Do you have a padlock on your refrigerator?’

His mom did.

We chatted for a bit about large family life and it came out that his mom had taken ALL the boys socks at one point and put them in the bathtub with PURPLE dye.

Voila. No more searching for sock mates.

That is my kind of mama.

Wash. Dry. Dye. Fling.

Traveling With Kids

Nine kids in one car however nice, is never quiet or boring.

We started out with nine kids and unknowingly, a cat. Halfway down the driveway one of the kids hollered ‘STOP! THE CAT IS IN HERE!’

We came to a dusty stop in the middle of the driveway, bid him farewell and gave him a gentle toss back in the direction of the house.

He knows his way home, he is the cat that comes on a walk every day with myself and the two dogs, and sometimes the four year old.

And we definitely did not want that cat in the car, he hitched a ride with us to school before and it was a disaster.

He remained hidden until we were too far to turn back.

Then he screeched and mewed and climbed all over me and the dash and tried to go under my feet while I was driving. We had to pull over and I caught him and made the four year old hold on VERY TIGHT to him the rest of the way home. Not fun. I can hardly believe he didn’t cause a collision with his initial nonsense.

Anyway we carried on without the cat.

We had to make a few stops on the way out of course.

The kids behaved like kids, which means I had to repeatedly remind them to buckle, and then threaten if they didn’t buckle, and put in my ear plugs, to mute all the sounds that kids make in their active communication to each other, along with complaints about who was in whose space, and who was being annoying, and remove them a million times to answer repeated questions.

And turn around every 30 seconds to hand something back or receive a thing being handed, and try to fulfill requests for listening material, and meet demands like ‘TURN OFF THE HEAT IT’S SWEATING BACK HERE!’ Followed not too long after by ‘TURN ON THE HEAT IT’S FREEZING BACK HERE!’

Our first stop was a restaurant in the Columbia River Gorge for dinner.

Every one of the kids got whopping big plates of pancakes with sides of massive homemade buttermilk biscuits and mountainous piles hashbrowns. And the big kids finished what the little kids couldn’t. Shane and I both got meals with unlimited fries. And shared with all those hungry caterpillars.

And yet. Plates are cleared, bill is paid and we hear;

‘I’m still hungry’

Most of the trip was quite enjoyable. No one got carsick. We saw gorgeous countryside, and lots of family.

The way back was equally uneventful. In the last hour of the drive I started a chapter audiobook for the kids. Surprisingly to me, I found a book that all the kids liked, from age 15 down to age 4

Called Doctor Proctor’s Fart Powder. Go figure. They all voted for it.

It worked out pretty well, and I will plan it this way next time we travel, the book still had about ten minutes left when we got home, so I let them finish listening.

On the one condition that they got the van cleaned out.

I heard a lot of ‘PAUSE!’

‘I have to carry these bags in!’

But the van got all emptied out.

And we made it home two hours before an ice storm hit the interstate we were traveling on.

Couldn’t ask for more.

Just Thankful

For Thanksgiving this week we are travelling once again to see family in another state. This means eleven of us, my husband myself and our nine kids will be in the big van together for at least ten ours.

There will for sure be sibling fights, there will for sure be noise, there will for sure be sights to see and car games played and memories made and stories to tell…

When we get where we are going there will be family to hug, luggage to haul in and board games played and lots of good food and a warm fire and more memories made and more stories to tell.

We hope for safe and happy travels, we hope everyone stays healthy, we hope the roads are clear and we hope we do not get lost or have car trouble.

We have had the experiences of sick kids in the car, of driving in white-knuckle, tense shoulder blizzard conditions, we have been lost, and had car trouble in the middle of nowhere and of course everyone can’t be happy all the time.

But we hope for the best.

We are glad we all get to go.

We are thankful for the technology that will get us there.

We are thankful we do not have to rely on our four year old for directions, although that makes for a story to tell too.

We travelled to a niece’s wedding without Shane one year and our youngest girl turned four while we were there.

He called the day before her birthday to visit with her. And I got to hear the four year old’s side of the conversation…

It was something like this:

‘Hi dad….yes….uh huh…are you coming to my birthday?’

I imagine he tried to explain that he was 3000 miles away and even if he left right then, it would be the day after her birthday by the time he arrived where we were.

But to a four year old time and distance are nothing.

I listened and watched as she told him just how to get to her birthday…

With one little hand on the phone and the other little hand waving and pointing in the air she confidently told him:

‘You just gooooo, and then you keep coming, and then you go around the corner, and you turn this way…and you will see a mailbox and a blue house, and we’re right here!’

So simple.

And with that thought and the melancholy feeling that comes this time of year when you have loved ones in heaven, I wonder;

Is that what they would tell us still here?

Would they say ‘Just go… and keep coming…and We’re right here!’?

Because time and distance are nothing to them either.

If you are travelling we hope for as safe and happy of travels as possible and if you are missing someone, we hope you are surrounded by loved ones.